i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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