Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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