What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
