my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
