my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
