Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
