I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize