so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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