If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
