i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize