Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
