This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
