It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
