...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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