Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
