I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
