We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
