i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
