i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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