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• (214): View more from Texas

  I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  Mike i'm at church right now...

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.

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• (510): View more from California

  I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?

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• (352): View more from Florida

  All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  How festive

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other

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