Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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