we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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