anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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