can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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