last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she peed on how many people?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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