I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
