just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
