I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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