What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
