Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
