I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
