A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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