Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
