kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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