he shaved USA in his pubs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
