whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
