You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
