This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
