Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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