whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
