I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
