Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
