I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
