Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
