I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
