I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize