did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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