Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize