Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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