Ambien. No doubt about it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
