bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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