Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
