I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
