this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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