She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
