Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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