why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
