How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
