I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
