Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize